hmm, what do I say. I guess I just am surprisingly happy to have a place to put my feelings, even if they are just kinda going nowhere. I don’t always think or speak in a way that makes sense to many, so if my blogs come out this way, I will apologize ahead of time.
I have this amazing relationship with my bio mom, who I will call Meemo, my Meemo. We are so much alike in so many ways its almost kinda scary, her family accepted me in a way I never really thought possible. Almost like they were just like ‘oh, look, you’re back’. They are very creative, like me, and they all made me Christmas presents this year, despite the fact that I have only been in their ‘family’ for a few months.
‘family’ is such a broad term. After all, really, it can mean so many different things. I have had a family my whole life, a family that I was completely unrelated to in the biological sense, and it showed. They always wanted me to be more a part of them, but I always felt that I just wasn’t the family type. I was never social, I never wanted to be social and be part of the group. I would much rather have just spent my time alone. My parents could never figure that out, couldn’t understand why I would rather hole up in my room instead of be social. It just added to the list of things I did that they never understood.
I wanted so despiratly to be a part of a family that I felt I fit in, but never really imagined that I would ever have it. I guess I never really thought about the fact that somewhere out there, I had a biological family too.
When I met Meemo, things were interesting. I am the type who immediately attaches to people that I feel a connection to. The connection thing happens extremely rarely, so when it does, I tend to hold on for dear life. Aimee on the other hand, for all our similarities, does not. She was not ready for a daughter, she was ready to meet me, ready to know where I was, and what I was doing, but she was not ready for someone who needed her. I needed her. It took us a while to get into the swing of things, and to be honest, I am sure its going to take a while longer. It is quite amazing how much you can accomplish in a relationship in just a few months.
back to original
The day Meemo announced to me that I was going to meet her family for the first time, I was incredibly nervous, she has three sisters and a brother (was two but the other died), and her mother. Her father died when she was only 14. I was scared, I voiced this fear to her, this fear because it wasn’t just meeting a random group of people. It was meeting the people who are biologically related to me, the people who are actually my family. She answered with ‘well they really aren’t your family, you already have a family’ I don’t think she ever realized how much this was a blow, but I took it in stride and went along with it. I met them in the beginning of October, in the beginnings of our relationship when Meemo was still really unconnected to me. I was nervous what they would think, nervous what she would feel, of course being the armed fortress that she is, she showed no feeling at all really, just a normal day in the neighborhood.
Her family accepted me immediately, they didn’t even know I was coming, but took it amazingly well, like I said, sorta like ‘oh, your back, great!’ Her mother immediately said ‘wow, you look like your mom’ another huge emotional moment for me, as no one yet had ever really referred to her as my ‘mom’. Meemo and I had discussed it, well really just touched on it, and decided that I already had a mom, and didn’t need another one. It was cool, and really good for me, to hear someone else refer to her as that. As in all reality, she is no less my mother than a giraffe is a giraffe. I felt like I fit, I felt comfortable, and for the first time in my life, I felt ok with a group of people that called themselves a family and didn’t want to disappear to my room somewhere. I also got to see where Meemo lived, hear her descriptions of sneaking out at night to meet my bio dad and for all of us to see, really, how I was going to fit in here. I felt a little more connected with her that day, and more secure. She must have liked me to want me to meet the family!