Ahhh friday. Friday is my favorite day! I don’t have to ‘do’ anything on a Friday (well alright I have to work.) But I know, that once I get out of work, for a few peaceful hours anyway, I don’t have to do anything. And that is wonderful.
I am beginning to despise my insano schedule. I really do have an insano schedule. I work forty hours a week in a daycare, with little children. Little little children. I work with three year olds in the mornings, and then with my babies in the afternoons. I love kids, sometimes I don’t love my job. I work from about 8 to 5 Monday through Friday. Normal, ok. Well I also go to school full time, I go to night classes on monday, wednesday and thursday from 530 to 830. I live a half an hour from school so I don’t get home until 9 pm. I go to therapy on tuesdays, and I have a saturday class from 9 to 1230. I babysit 9 out of 10 weekends. And I am an adoptee in reunion. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Its just a lot to do, and somewhere in all this, I am supposed to fit in my family. My afamily I am going to call them now, because I really have two, my afamily (adopted) and my bfamily (bio). My parents are divorced, my mom has a fiance that she is having trouble with, and my dad traded her in five years ago for a newer model and went on to have biological children of his own. hmmmmm. I now have a baby half abrother (1) a little half asister (3) two stepsisters (6 and 10) a whole asister (20) and two bbrothers (17 and 20). Do they have some manual on how to handle this? Within a span of five years, when I was 19 to 24 I went from having one sibling to having seven, YIKES! Christmas was interesting let me tell ya.
I don’t have much free time, and I am still new in this whole reunion thing. I find myself wanting to spend a lot of time with Meemo. Really a lot of time means once a week, as that is all I really have time for (and all she probably has the patience for). We talk everyday, and I am totally ok with this. But somewhere along the line, I almost forgot that I have an afamily I still have to care for. Is it wrong that sometimes I don’t want to? I havn’t seen or talked to my mother since Christmas, and I don’t really have a problem with this. Unfortunately, she does.
My mother is feeling replaced, I guess I can understand this, but I just don’t know how to get her to understand that I really AM busy! My mother and I have had a strained relationship at best throughout my life. And now that I found Meemo I find it even more difficult to really try and make time to talk to her. Since no doubt, when we are together, we fight about something, which will no doubt be all my fault even if it isn’t. I have spent a lot of years wishing things had been different with my mother, but the fact is they just weren’t. Now I feel even less connected with her. I am frustrated because sometimes I just wish there were an extra day in the week, even if it were just once a month, so I could spend time with my afamily. Really so they would get off my case about NOT spending time with them. I love them, I do. But I find it difficult to give up the precious moments I have with Meemo so I can go over there and either A. listen to my mom complain or B. sit in my dads living room and watch him fall asleep in front of the TV.
I just wish I had a life, besides work, school and being an adoptee.