Meemo has reinstated her blog, hurray. It took enough convincing! I sorta felt bad (ok alotta felt bad) for being the reason that she stopped this addicting behavior! For those of you who may not have read it, here is the link http://anotheramy.wordpress.com. She’s pretty amazing.
Has life ever blindsided you, at like the least expected moment, and then continues to do so, even after you think you have everything sorted out in your head? That is sorta what I feel like. This relationship is like nothing I have ever had before. Sometimes I find myself wondering what the hell to do with it. I think Meemo said it best when she said this isn’t like meeting someone on a bus and hitting it off. This is totally different from that, it isn’t even like meeting your future husband or wife. This is meeting, and forming a relationship, with my MOTHER! 24 years later. A woman who didn’t raise me, didn’t have any influence on my life, or the decisions I have made, any influence on anything really, except my genes. Which obviously run strong, I have met very few parent/children who look as much alike as we do, who ARE as much alike as we are. Its almost as if I can’t believe she has been out there, this whole time.
I always knew that I would someday meet the woman who gave birth to me. The woman who was my biological life force. The woman who made the decision to give me up instead of try and raise me herself, too young to do so. I just didn’t know when. I didn’t really know when I was going to be ready. Sometimes I think, you really never are, ready. The change that takes place in this relationship is astronomical. The most major change in my life, came in the form of an email. An EMAIL! Shouldn’t these kinds of things come with a huge warning label? Some bells maybe, a whistle… big red lettering, bold font, SOMETHING.
LIKE THIS IS THE EMAIL THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! something. I havn’t yet had a life altering experience that can top this one, I don’t think I ever will. I never expected it to keep on going like it is. The meeting is just the beginning, the absolute just the beginning. I almost think its the easy part. After all, you really can meet anyone. Its forming that relationship that’s difficult. I kept thinking that everything would eventually get straightened out in my head, it didn’t. Sometimes I still don’t know what I am doing. Sometimes I still wake up and think, I know who my mother is. I finally KNOW who that woman, the woman who gave me life, is. LIFE ALTERING!!!! Sometimes I look back and I try to remember what life was like before I met her, and I am having trouble. It was just a few months ago, but it seems like forever. Sometimes I am terrified, and sometimes I am so happy I could do a dance in the grocery store and not care who sees me. Sometimes I just keep thinking, its about time, its about time something went right in my life!