Hmmm, what shall I say, and where do I begin.
Right now, I am sitting in my mothers house, my amoms house. I am spending the night. Really for two reasons, the biggest being that the roads are bad and I live about fifteen minutes from here. The other being that we just had an amazing night together, and I am feeling rather bonded with her.
This is a small miracle.
To say that my mother and I havn’t gotten along the greatest is a bit of an understatement. I never really fit into my afamily, and my amom and I were always butting heads. Through this whole process of reuniting with Meemo (my bmom) I have found me and my amoms relationship to be particularly strained. I was nervous to see her tonight, I was nervous on how it was going to go, and what was going to be said. We went to see Lord of the Dance, which we had both been really excited about (the tickets were my Christmas present to her).
I decided to come over early, being that I figured this whole reunion would be a topic of discussion, and really, I wanted to talk to her about it. I wanted to get her feelings and reassure her that she wasn’t being replaced, but I was in fact going to have a relationship with my bmom.
The topic came up, I approached it slowly, and calmly. It went amazing. We just really got to talking about things, about how we felt, about how she felt. She said she did feel replaced, but she has since realized that feeling no longer applies. She told me that she got to have the first 24 years of my life, she got to raise me, and she got to be my mother. She said that she thanks Amy (meemo) for that. And that she is perfectly comfortable sharing me from now on. We talked about some questions that I had. We even went through all my old paperwork, I got to see the adoption papers and all sorts of other things that I had never seen. She even gave me a poem that brought tears to my eyes. I don’t know if I have had a moment like this with my mom in a long, long time.
We agreed that we are going to talk more, she understands my busy schedule, and my wish to spend time with Meemo, being that this relationship is so very new.
I wonder what I did to deserve all this. I am just a regular girl, with regular problems and a life full of mishaps. I now feel loved, from all directions. Something that I havn’t felt in a long time. I wish I could bottle these moments, these feelings, for I know that they do not last forever.
I just keep thinking about how life really can just change, right before your eyes in ways that you never would have expected.