Yesterday, I spent entirely too much money.
Yes, what a way to begin a post.
Let me begin to tell you that I am a poor college kid. I live on my own, I make next to nothing, and I make it work. I don’t buy a lot of frivolous things… I have one pair of sneakers, went through all the stores in the mall until I found a nice pair for under $20. I am a great shopper, I have many things that should have cost me much more. I have walked into work many a time with a nice new outfit, only to explain that the whole thing cost me like $20…. In general, I am a tightwad.
I have to be… I make next to nothing.
Every once in a while, I want something. I want it, and I buy it… not really concerned about the cost. Is this so wrong?? This wanting things, mostly comes in the form of technology. Yes, I wanted a specific cell phone, and yes, I bought it. Yes it was expensive, but its really cool… wanna try it out?
About a year ago, I found myself in a situation with school where I needed to take online classes. Therefore, I needed a computer. I walked into the store, and without barely batting an eyelash, I bought a laptop that was worth more than my car (my car is a piece of crap btw… so it wasn’t a huge as you might imagine). Me the girl who wont spend more than 10$ on a shirt… bought a computer than cost more than my car is worth. Hmmmm.
I wanted a digital camera… so I bought one.
My newest endeavor… I wanted to be able to get online, wherever I wanted to get online. Of course my computer has integrated wireless… but… that only works if there is WiFi around. And lets face it, there really isn’t always that option.
I am an Internet junkie… I will admit it. Before I had my laptop, I barely went online at all. I had a few choices, I could go to my mom or my dads… both who have crappy computers and dial up… and sit around and wait for that to work. I could go to the library, or I could go to one of the little Internet cafes in the little town I live in. For Internet, those were my options. When I went to school, I was able to get online at school. It was nice, I started to discover the true joy’s of the Internet. When I got my laptop… it was all downhill from there. I used to read about four to six books a week… that was down to about one. I used to spend a lot of time cuddling with my cat, he learned how to adjust himself around the computer. I got a wireless hub, and my broadband Internet… I was totally stoked. Then I met my Meemo… and well that Internet fetish turned me into an Internet junkie. My computer is the first thing I turn on in the morning, the first thing I turn on when I walk in the door at night. It comes with me when I go babysitting… in hopes for an unsecured wireless network nearby. It goes with me to work… where, alas, there is no nearby wireless. This is how my Meemo and I communicate… via email… every day. Plus I just love being online.
So… I decided that I was tired of fighting with wireless networks babysitting. I was tired of sneaking on the computer at work (I got caught, this is what started this whole thing) I was tired of going over to my moms or dads and not being able to get online. I decided that I wanted a wwan…. wwan means world wide area network. I can get online now, wherever I go (well, as Meemo pointed out to me, wherever there is cell phone reception, it runs off the cell towers). I can go to Chicago, or NYC or Pittsburgh or New Jersey. Or my moms house and my dads house and work and babysitting. And in one touch of a button, I can get online. Its one of the coolest things I have ever done.
Do I feel guilty… yes, increadably. From the girl who won’t spend more than $10 on a shirt, yes I feel increadably guilty. Do I need it, no, I really don’t. I wanted it. I feel like, through all the crap and hard times I have to go through, for everything in life that sucks, there has to be something a long the way that makes it worth it. After all, why else should we be here? I am responsible, I am good with money, so what if I spend way to damn much for Internet. Thats ok… right?
I sort of feel this tiny little epiphany going on in my head. I realize, that it is my life, my choices that I make that makes up who and what I am. There is absolutly no one who is going to sit there and say, Jessie, no you can’t do that. Jessie, no you aren’t making a wise choice. I am liberating myself from my parents and attitudes about the choices I make. I am liberating myself from boundaries. I am liberating myself from even myself. I am saying, I am worth it! I am getting rid of all the what if’s, and instead changing it to I can. Ok, so maybe not all the what if’s… maybe just one. But everyone needs a start.
Its my incentive to quit smoking… alright so I havn’t actually quit yet, but I am going to now!