A moment in a thought

My thoughts, in my life, of adoption and other such things

I am ME! March 2, 2007

Filed under: Adoptee,Adoption,Self Discovery — Jessie @ 1:53 pm

I feel a bit like I have had a revelation. 

I have been thinking a lot lately, about myself, my life and what is in it.  Trying to figure out where everything fits, and where some things don’t.  And I have realized a lot of things.

One being that I am in complete control of my life.  I know this sounds silly, but for a long time, I turned to other people when it came to my life and what I was doing.  I didn’t have the confidence in myself to be who I am and build my own life off of that.  I realized that I am my own person, and I can do my own things, not only that, but there is nothing wrong with it.  Just because I am doing something that someone else might not agree with, or may not like.  Doesn’t mean that it isn’t ok for me to do. 

I realized that I am in charge of my life, and while there are things that I need to do, there are others that I don’t. 

I realized that the things that define me are not what I perceive as things that define me.  Yes, I am an adoptee, yes I am in reunion, yes that is hard as hell.  Yes, I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, yes its hard as hell.  Yes I have struggled, yes there has been pain, yes life hurts and mine has.  NO  these things do NOT define me, they do not define who I am.  I am not an adoptee, I am not a borderline, I am no one but ME.

I need to stop worring about the little things.

One of the things I don’t need to do is worry about what other people perceive of me, and whether or not they like me.  I am, and can be, no one but myself.  I can be the best me that I can be.  However, regardless of that, I can be no one but me.  

I am

Loud, obnoxious and big hearted.  I love to laugh, although many times it doesn’t show through.  I am a thinker, and when I am not being loud and obnoxious prefer to be in the company of my own mind.  I am a communicator, although I am not good at small talk.  I do believe that there is something greater to be had in the art of communication.  I am smart, I like to learn, although I have a stubborn streak that allows me only to only learn what I want to.  I am afraid of change, but will try ANYTHING once (as long as it doesn’t involve a tall building or a small space) I believe that all children are miracles waiting to happen, they just need someone to believe.  I believe that animals and babies are much smarter than we give them credit for, except of course my bunny, who was born without that gene.  I believe that every person is worth a chance, including me, and everyone has something to teach if we would just sit back and listen.  I believe in God, and the greater good, and I believe there is a purpose for me, even though I may not have found it yet.   I have a huge ability to love, one that is unmatched by anyone that I have met yet. 

I believe that somewhere in this life, there is something to offer.  Even though I stress, even though I get depressed.  I realized today, that no matter what, I am who and what I am.  Regardless of what other people think, regardless of who I care about and what they think.  Regardless of whether or not I am making the right decisions in life.  Its my life to decide. 

I have decided that I no longer need someone else to like me for who I am.  I have to like me for who I am.  I need to stop worrying about the petty, and I need to stop being afraid of the future.  The people who are worth having in my life, will stay in my life, if I only learn to just be myself. 

 

11 Responses to “I am ME!”

  1. Amy Says:

    Well crap, I thought I had the liking you for who you are cornered, now Im screwed.🙂

  2. Margie Says:

    This is like an anthem – keep singing it!!

  3. joy Says:

    Wonderful post, and the ironic thing is people who learn to be comfortable in their own skin are the most charismatic of all.

    It’s when people stop trying to please, that they are the most pleasing

  4. paragraphein Says:

    What a fabulous post. So full of truth, and such a good reminder for me, too. Thank you.

  5. momseekingpeace Says:

    Love what you said and Joy love what you said also.
    MSP

  6. Possum Says:

    Well said – and it’s lovely to meet YOU. I’ve certainly always liked the you I’ve read about to this date – and I think I’m liking you more with every post!!!
    Your voice is getting stronger. It’s great.
    Biggest hugs, Poss. xx

  7. Julie Says:

    Wonderful post, Jessie! You are doing so incredibly well. Can I have your therapist’s phone number?

    Also – ditto what Joy said. So very true.

  8. Jessie Says:

    Thank you… all of you🙂 Meemo, you know me, don’t worry, you aren’t too screwed now😉
    Poss. I do feel like my voice is getting stronger, I feel like I am getting stronger, its a nice feeling to have.
    Joy, I agree!
    Thanks again

  9. Rebecca Says:

    Holy Crap we have a lot in common! I’m living a much better life because of DBT designed for people with BPD. Love this post! Hugs, Rebecca

    Ok if I link to you?

  10. urchin22 Says:

    Hi, This blogging thing is new to me, and I was surprised that when I left a post on my own blog, it led me somehow to yours! I really enjoyed your post. I appreciate your candor and your willingness to tackle the big issues in life. I too depend far too much on others’ opinions, something my therapist points out. It’s good to remember there are fellow travelers on this journey. Keep up the good work! -C.


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