I am ME!

I feel a bit like I have had a revelation. 

I have been thinking a lot lately, about myself, my life and what is in it.  Trying to figure out where everything fits, and where some things don’t.  And I have realized a lot of things.

One being that I am in complete control of my life.  I know this sounds silly, but for a long time, I turned to other people when it came to my life and what I was doing.  I didn’t have the confidence in myself to be who I am and build my own life off of that.  I realized that I am my own person, and I can do my own things, not only that, but there is nothing wrong with it.  Just because I am doing something that someone else might not agree with, or may not like.  Doesn’t mean that it isn’t ok for me to do. 

I realized that I am in charge of my life, and while there are things that I need to do, there are others that I don’t. 

I realized that the things that define me are not what I perceive as things that define me.  Yes, I am an adoptee, yes I am in reunion, yes that is hard as hell.  Yes, I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, yes its hard as hell.  Yes I have struggled, yes there has been pain, yes life hurts and mine has.  NO  these things do NOT define me, they do not define who I am.  I am not an adoptee, I am not a borderline, I am no one but ME.

I need to stop worring about the little things.

One of the things I don’t need to do is worry about what other people perceive of me, and whether or not they like me.  I am, and can be, no one but myself.  I can be the best me that I can be.  However, regardless of that, I can be no one but me.  

I am

Loud, obnoxious and big hearted.  I love to laugh, although many times it doesn’t show through.  I am a thinker, and when I am not being loud and obnoxious prefer to be in the company of my own mind.  I am a communicator, although I am not good at small talk.  I do believe that there is something greater to be had in the art of communication.  I am smart, I like to learn, although I have a stubborn streak that allows me only to only learn what I want to.  I am afraid of change, but will try ANYTHING once (as long as it doesn’t involve a tall building or a small space) I believe that all children are miracles waiting to happen, they just need someone to believe.  I believe that animals and babies are much smarter than we give them credit for, except of course my bunny, who was born without that gene.  I believe that every person is worth a chance, including me, and everyone has something to teach if we would just sit back and listen.  I believe in God, and the greater good, and I believe there is a purpose for me, even though I may not have found it yet.   I have a huge ability to love, one that is unmatched by anyone that I have met yet. 

I believe that somewhere in this life, there is something to offer.  Even though I stress, even though I get depressed.  I realized today, that no matter what, I am who and what I am.  Regardless of what other people think, regardless of who I care about and what they think.  Regardless of whether or not I am making the right decisions in life.  Its my life to decide. 

I have decided that I no longer need someone else to like me for who I am.  I have to like me for who I am.  I need to stop worrying about the petty, and I need to stop being afraid of the future.  The people who are worth having in my life, will stay in my life, if I only learn to just be myself.