After having spent far too much time thinking today. I have decided that I need to take a break from it all.
I have lost my purpose, I have lost my hope. And last night, I found myself at my Meemo’s house crying in a dark room on the couch over a dead bug on the ceiling.
I have realized that I have allowed my emotions to take over far far too much of my life. I have realized that I have regressed greatly and turned into a miserable and immature child just wishing for her mother. Neither of whom can give me what I need. It is unfair of me to expect from my bio mom anything that I have come to expect. It is unfair that I have come into her life and wormed my way into everything when in all reality the progression of things should have been much much slower. It is unfair that I have expected things that I never should have. It is unfair that I have allowed myself to become so engrossed in it.
I have realized that I am acting like a child, its time I act like the adult that I am.
It is unfair that I have lost myself in this world of adoption thinking, adoption feeling. Its all so new to me as I have denied myself the truth for so many years. I need to back up, I need to breathe.
Most of all I need to realize that life doesn’t revolve around these things.
I am taking a break, a few days, a few weeks, who knows. I don’t.
Right now I am going to concentrate on finishing school. Concentrate on the projects that need to be done. And concentrate on progressing myself back to the place where I need to be. Not that place that I have been lately.
So talk to you later blog world. Don’t you worry, I will be back. I love you all 🙂