A moment in a thought

My thoughts, in my life, of adoption and other such things

Butterflies anyone? June 10, 2007

Filed under: Adoptee,Adoption,Adoption reunion — Jessie @ 1:29 am

Less than 11 hours now. 

In less than 11 hours, I will finally know what both of my biological parents look like. 

I will finally have the answers to my background, my biology.  The very core of who I am, that starts with the people who made me. 

This moment brings me back to some of the nerves and feelings I felt just months ago when meeting my biological mother.  Wondering what she was going to look like.  If she was going to like me.

Trying to breathe because it happened soooo fast. 

All of this happened so fast, it happened fast with her too.  I first heard from her on a Monday, talked to her on the phone that Tuesday, met that Saturday.  This all from the girl who NEVER actually wanted to MEET my family….

Just look at them. 

I never wanted to meet my dad either.  I just wanted a picture, I wanted to know what he looked like.  What his children looked like.  I didn’t want to meet him. 

Now that he is real, I have to admit, that thought has changed, just like it did with my Meemo.  Its like that first time you talk, they become a real person, then there is all that wonder.  Like who are they?  What are they like?

Its all so mysterious. 

I talked to him for the first time just this Wednesday, I got some balls, and I picked up the phone, called the number I thought might possibly be his.  It was.

Talked to his wife, who had no idea I even exsisted until that moment.  Told her that he knew my mother, and I really wanted to get in touch with him.  She asked me who my mother was, I told her, and it was that moment, whether she wants to deny it or not.  She knew who I was, and what I was calling for. 

I figured he would never get the message, I assumed he really didn’t want much of anything to do with me.  I wanted to tell his wife that I didn’t want, need, or expect anything from him.  Just a picture perhaps, but I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t be the one to ‘out’ him.  That was his responsibility, not mine.  I figured it would take forever to get the phone call back. 

I didn’t know it would be a matter of minutes.  And he called me from Washington D.C. 

He knew exactly who I was.  And he wanted to meet me, he wants me to meet his family.  Say’s his kids will be excited to find out they have a sister they never knew about. 

Oh yeah, I would be excited too… ok, sure.

He is coming all the way from his town, about an hour and a half away, to pick me up tommorow.  Tommorow at noon.  I am not as nervous as I was the day I met my Meemo.  But other than that, I can’t think of a time when I was this nervous before. 

I guess its kinda silly, but I fear the unknown.  And despite the fact that we are related, this is a huge unknown. 

But I will be there, I will be ready, with phone in hand waiting for the call to let me know he is here. 

I will :) 

 

3 Responses to “Butterflies anyone?”

  1. Theresa Says:

    I have butterflies for you🙂

  2. justenjoyhim Says:

    It’s not silly; it’s normal. And I have those butterflies for you too. And every wish and hope and dream for you too. All the best, Jessie, all the best.

  3. mia Says:

    WOW, just wow. How awesome Jessie!!!


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