Thats all I can say is wow. When I met my Meemo, I figured I had it all figured out, the person that I was. Where I came from, what I was like.
Where I belonged.
And while we are scarily alike, we look alike. Think alike, have so many of the same traits, the same so many things.
I am also like my Dad.
I am like my sister E., I even look like her. Its hard to explain, because YES I do look like my Meemo, but there are things about E. that are like her.
Her body shape is just like mine, her facial expressions, facial shape. Her face is round, like mine. Her nose, her expressions. I guess her personality is a lot like me too.
My Meemo has never been emotional, never gotten mushy. I could never figure out why she wasn’t and I was.
I know why now.
I get that from my Dad, they are emotional, mushy, lovey, cuddly. They are like me in those ways.
And my Dad? He likes me! He likes me for me, doesn’t get bothered by my little quirks… doesn’t even seem to notice them really, just keeps on going like its perfectly normal.
He doesn’t make me feel weird, or like I have to prove anything, like I have to worry about anything. He just likes me. He’s just there.
He wants to know me, he wants to be with me. I feel so lucky, I don’t know how I got blessed with this, I really don’t.
So many things in my life have been so hard, and I have fought, for so long. To be myself, to find myself. To find my strengths and find my power.
I found a lot of it with my Meemo, I found the rest of it with B. My Dad.
He doesn’t look like me, but he has my nose.
And its like he already knows me. Even his kids said, oh my god, she’s E. I look that similar to her.
I feel so vindicated, not only is this man like me, but he LIKES ME! He doesn’t expect anything from me, he isn’t disappointed in what I wasn’t. He was so happy to meet me, and he hugged me so tight, even cried. I am so not used to that, my adad never cries. My adad doesn’t get mushy, he doesn’t get lovey, he is a man man, a macho man.
This man isn’t embarrassed if my apartment is messy, thinks its funny that I have a ginormous cat, thinks its awesome that I like him back.
He wants to have a picnic with the family, a ‘Meet Jessie’ picnic.
He wants me to go to the Renaissance festival with them.
He wants me to be around.
NOT what I expected when I made that phone call.
But NOT in the slightest disappointed either. I am not used to people liking me, I am not used to this at all. I am used to having to fight for me.
Its nice not to have to fight.
Its nice to be loved. Its just nice.