A moment in a thought

My thoughts, in my life, of adoption and other such things

Heaven and Hell July 22, 2007

Filed under: Adoptee,Adoption,Adoption reunion,Family — Jessie @ 11:19 pm

God, where do I start, where do I begin. 

Sometimes I wonder when life is going to stop being so emotional, perhaps it just isn’t.  Perhaps I am just doomed to be stuck in a whirlwind of feelings that make me feel as if I am going to split into a million pieces at any moment. 

Sometimes I really envy my Meemo’s ability to just seemingly not give a shit about anything.

Me however, I get my emotions from my Dad… and boy did I get a hell of a lot of them. 

My life flips between heaven and hell.  Heaven being my bDads house… I am just going to call him Dad for now on.  When I refer to Dad, its my bdad… my Dad and Mama L.  Or just Mom.  Mama L. is my Dads wife… my biological-step-mother… but hell thats a long name.  So Mama L.  She shall be. 

The two of them, they are the home I have never had.   The loving, doting, understanding parents that I just never got.  The people who are now the holders of my heart. 

The funniest thing?  I never expected to like her, I just figured she would just be like, there.  I figured I would be the enemy… after all, I am the enemy’s daughter!  I would have a hell of a time separating those things… somehow, amazingly, she can. 

She loves me.  How the hell did that happen?  And you know, I love her back.  Love her to death actually!  Its hard for me, to split that kind of love between two people in my life, always has been.  I have been a one person kind of girl.  But nope, kinda hard for me there.  I love both of them… My mom and dad. 

And no one can tell me otherwise. 

I have a family, I have a home.  I can’t tell you for how long I have needed these things.  Well I shouldn’t say needed them, after all, I survived quite fine, for quite a long time without it.  In fact, I never really knew what it felt like to really ‘feel’ like a family.  To really feel accepted, loved, unconditionally, without judgement, without fear.  And by two people none the less. 

My life on the weekends is filled with this sense of acceptance, where the worse thing that can happen is Mama L. reads the last chapter of my new Harry Potter book, and therefor knows how it ends.  When I don’t want to know… knowing that she does know drives me insane!

Where the best thing that can happen is she comes up with a name… for us adoptees, we know how important a pet name can be (Possum??  Stick up for me on this one?)

Mine is Melon. 

Yep Melon.  She saved herself from me being really mad about Harry, by calling me Melon. 

I thought it was because me, Dad and my new grandma pretty much finished off a whole watermelon by ourselves. 

Nope, nothing to do with that… I am her mushy melon.  Thats what she said… you’re my mushy melon.  (Which has nothing to do with me being fat… LOL)  Just cuz I am a mush… and someone amazingly likes that. 

So yeah, she distracted me from Harry for a while with that. 

But anyway… thats my weekend, my weekend of being Melon, cuddling on the couch, and Harry Potter. 

I come home to reality, and well, reality sucks.  It makes it even harder to leave, because I know what I am coming back too. 

Back to a place where I am judged, back to a world where the negative emotions rule.  Where my sister and I have a talk about her…. and her life.  And the hell she is stuck in.

She is stuck in the Hell that I lived back when I lived with my amom.  Only she can’t just pack her things and leave. 

Only she doesn’t have another family to turn to.

My adad, as much as I love him, has moved on.  He has moved on to his other children (biological) with his other wife, and his other life.  He treats my sister like she is an adult. 

Which would be fine, if she were.   However, my sister is mentally a child.  She is mildly mentally retarded.  Smart enough to know she is in Hell, not smart enough to be able to actually do something about it, like get out. 

When my adad dotes on his ‘new’ children, it kills her.  She wants that love, that acceptance.  She wants away from my amom.  She can’t, shes stuck.

I am so torn, I wish there was something I can do, but legally, there is nothing.  My amother made her sign her life away to her.  My sister had to sign paperwork relinquishing her own legal rights to herself… the ones we all gain at the age of 18.  She signed them away, and gave them to my amom. 

Meaning my controlling, semi-crazy, witch of an amother, has complete control of my sisters life.  And my sister is 20 years old. 

Now that I am gone?  The emotional abuse that I suffered for so many years is now being poured onto my sister… the food issues, the emotional issues, the body issues, the self issues, the screaming, all being poured onto her.  I was the scapegoat, and now I am not there anymore. 

My poor sister is getting the brunt of it, and she can’t handle it anymore. 

I told her she needs to get into therapy, I guess she brought it up to my amom, and she got the response that broke my heart, the response that I remember getting oh so many years ago.  When I first knew I was losing my mind. 

“I can’t afford that, what do you need that for, you are fine, if you have a problem, talk to me!”

My heart breaks in two for my sister, and breaks in two for myself.  Breaks in two for me, because there is nothing I can do, but emotionally, I suck at handling her.  I am almost empathic, always have been, which is why I don’t connect.  Their emotions become my emotions.  I come home from a weekend of being somebody’s baby, and I get to be the only string my sister has.  Unfortunately being her only string brings me to a place that I just emotionally can’t handle.  However, I love my sister, and I will be that string, for as long as I possibly and mentally can be. 

God, I wish, I wish for a million years that I was strong enough to handle it.  I wish there was something I could do.  I wish I could slap my amother in the face and scream at her the way I was screamed at for so many years. 

Tell her that she has one more shot, one more child… don’t F it up mother… because shes all you got.  You lost me years ago. 

I don’t think she even knows what she does, by my heart breaks for my sister, and knowing there is nothing I can do. 

Knowing that starting now, I will be counting the days, hours, minutes, until I can go back to my safe haven.   Where I can hide from reality and just suck up the one thing that I have lacked for years and years. 

Wishing to god my sister had one too. 

Wishing to god that I had some kind of idea on what the hell to do. 

Advertisements
 

31 Responses to “Heaven and Hell”

  1. joy21 Says:

    Oh you are so sweet, I am so happy that you are doing well, so sorry that you are suffering on your asister’s behalf.

  2. Possum Says:

    Ah – Melon – I love it!!!
    Yep – special names from special people – pure bliss.
    So sorry to hear about the troubles with your sister.
    I have no solutions for you honey – but I’m hoping you can find some somewhere.
    Put the word out – talk about the situation to those that you trust. Someone will come up with a solution.
    Scream it to the universe if you have to.
    Thinking of you Miss Melon.
    Huggles, Poss. xxxxx

  3. Rhatt Says:

    I stumbled across this by accident….and will leave it as such.
    My credentials:
    Left at my grandparents by my alcpoholic bi-sexual mother back in 1960. Remember this was when the only acceptible single mother was a widow.
    In a grand gesture of family love, I was adopted by my grandparents in 1963 and my mother was never spoken of again until 5 yrs later when she was knocked up with my brother.
    A hard lifestyle and series of heart attacks and strokes left my “dad” in an advanced state of dependency on booze and pills.
    He passed in 1974 and at 15, I was the man of the house.
    I am grateful for his brand of tough love and vow not to repeat his mistakes and capitalize on what proper things he did learn me.

    Adoption is nothing more than a state of mind. You can live in your past or write your own history. Being adopted is NOT an excuse for your troubles. It shouldnt be a crutch to lay all your pity on.

    Adoption is a new start. A new beginning, even after you know your real truth. If you’re lucky enough that is. You know your real folks and had been fortunate enough to have two set of parents.

    Accept them or accept them not. Thats your call. Accept yourself as who YOU are, not what circumstances brought you here.

    Save the drama for your mama. Pick one. You got two.

    I am now 49 and have a loving wife, 2 wonderful kids that I wouldnt have if I continued to feel sorry for myself and not face myself in the mirror and got on with my life.

    You’re missing out on yourself. Go. Get over it and get out of your shell. Reinvent yourself.

    No one else can.

  4. Rhatt Says:

    epilouge:

    I got to know my real Mother some years later. A shitload of tears and emotions were spent.

    I came to the realization that she was a person stuck in an unenviable situation in an age when back door abortions were common.

    I am lucky to be alive, and for that reason alone, I refuse to feel sorry about where I came from or why I am here.

    I am.

    I will be.

    I cannot change the past to mend my heart or mind.

    Therefore I have to accept that I am.

    I will be who I am.

    If we meet one day, I will look you in the eye and tell you my story. Every gory detail.

    It’s not for your pity or our common bond. It’s to let you know that it is your life out there that only YOU can take control of.

    No one else.

    It’s always been about you.

    Realize it.

    Accept it.

    Go with it.

  5. Jessie Says:

    Rhatt…

    I am not sure what to say here.

    I do not let adoption be the crutch of anything, I have learned quite well that it isn’t.

    I know my circumstances, but I refuse to disvalidate my own feelings.

    I have learned to accept a lot of things, and quite frankly, have come along way.

    I am learning, very well how to get out of my shell, unfortunatly ‘getting over’ adoption is something that is not easy… and never going to be.

    I also have a pretty good idea of who you are and how you ‘stumbled’ across this blog.

  6. Jessie Says:

    And I have three mothers… so yeah, I am really lucky actually!

  7. Rhatt Says:

    Read your post of May 14.

    Pretty powerful words here. Strong words of conviction.

    Live them.
    You say the “a” word. Its an excuse and cop out. I dont say this to belittle or demean, but to help you lose those faciliitations.

    Dont say adpopted. Say my Mother. My Dad. My Mom. My Father. Those that raised you know who they are. Those that loved you know who they are.

    You should know who you are. Have fun with it.

    I am my own uncle. My Mother is my sister. My Mom and Dad were my grandparents. My brother is my nephew.

    I am me. These people are my family.

    As the Beatles said:
    “I am me as you are me as we are all together.”

    Ok…then Popeye.
    “I yam what I Yam.”

    Bottom line is that you dont have to wonder about the why’s in the world when it comes to the past.

    Who I am is staring you in the mirror.

    You KNOW who you are. So does your family. And your family.

  8. Jessie Says:

    Ah… I am understanding a little better here.

    Finding who I am is a hard undertaking, but one I am learning to do none the less.

    They are all My mother… My father.

    I say Meemo… because thats what I call her… Meemo

    I say amother, because thats what she is, my adoptive mother.

    I say Mama L. Because thats what she is… my Mama L.

    You need different names to separate these things in order to be able to differentiate between who I am talking about.

    I have three mothers… if I called them all My Mom, it would get a little confusing.

    I don’t use adoption as a crutch, and excuse, anything. However, this is MY place to talk about MY feelings. And how I feel about adoption is how I feel about adoption!!!

    I was adopted, it was a part of my life, it was a part of my life that I am never going to forget.

    Am I lucky… hell yes, I am very lucky, how many people can say they have three mothers?? How many people can say that they have been accepted, unconditionally, as I have.

    Very few.

    I take the good with the good, but I also feel a lot of things.

    I refuse not to feel them just because its not looked at as what I ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be feeling.

    I am also, learning, albeit slowly, but learning to be no one but myself.

    I am myself, and I am learning to tell those in my life that they can either take me for myself, or not! Because I cannot change who I am to please others… and I am finished changing the way I am to please others.

    However, this doesn’t disvalidate the feelings that I DO have!

    I am lucky, believe me, I know!

    And I am me… and no one else.

  9. joyjoy Says:

    Gosh Rhatt, you aren’t too bright are you?

    Those aren’t your “credentials” that is your experience of your “alcpoholic bi-sexual mother”

    Not sure why you think your mother’s sexual preferences are relevant here, especially in light of your assertion that you are “so over it”.

    Your crude attempts at communication, lead me to believe you are of a very coarse nature, not everyone is, while I try not to look down on people who can only play with the big blocks and miss all the little pieces, your hubris, at coming here, and telling someone that you should dictate their expereince makes it really hard to have pity on you, even though I am quite sure your simpleness is no fault of your own and often happens to children of alcpoholics.

    So normally I would forgive, but when you pull that shit (that is language you understand, no?)and try to pull rank with your cartoon/pop song wisdom. It just chaps my hide, you say: “I refuse to feel sorry about where I came from or why I am here.”

    You see that is where we are different, I AM sorry you are here trying to pull rank on Jesse and play the superior queer boy.

    Shheessh, and I thought I was the arrogant bastard, and yes you can be proud to be your own uncle, I just want to know one thing, when you jack-off are you committing incest?

    I know your type Rhatt, and am not impressed, though your name does suit you.

    P.S. I am sorry Jesse, I know how sweet you are, but I have a hot temper.

  10. Gershom Says:

    very interesting that another “adoptee” is so unsupportive of jessie and her feelings on HER life. How dare you tell her or any other adoptee to “get over it” who do you think you are? if you were so OVER your “experience” then why are you reading other adoptee blogs? why are you even on the internet checking out adoptee things? Get over it??? adoption is nothing more than a state of mind?? are you freakin kidding me? So I guess for the first 21 years of my life I could have just unadopted myself in my mind and magically been back with my natural parents? give me a break.

  11. elizabeth Says:

    “Adoption is a state of mind.” Oh my. I’m nearly speechless here. To grasp the concept of infinity one need only consider the stupidity of some men.

    Try to ignore the haters Jessie. Or swat them like you would a fruit fly.

  12. alex Says:

    Rhatt, is is entirely unfair, and not very thoughtful of you to suggest that ANY adoptee GET OVER IT.

    What are we to get over here? OUR FEELINGS??
    Because why? YOU DON’T LIKE THEM?

    If your experience is different, and you don’t feel you have anything to get over, that’s all good and well.
    But you can’t expect other people, who have had a completely different experience to you, to feel the same way. It’s insensitive, unrealistic and closed minded.

    If you put the same energy into supporting or at the very least trying to understand other’s difference of opinion, rather than berating them for feeling that way, the world would be a much nicer place for us adoptees.

    If you truly believe that adoption is a state of mind, then I fear that you are actually out of your mind.

  13. Rhatt Says:

    To Joy:

    And to be supportive is also to say basic facts and conditions. You are not being supportive, but rather destructive.

    Fact is I am adopted. My background, as you may want to dismiss, is irrelevant. I will cede this momentarily. I have not forgotten from what background I was raised, nor the fate that could have been mine.

    My education, unlike yours, is open minded, not closed and bitter. And if I wanted your forgiveness, I would ask. It is Jessie’s blog, not yours so live in your insolence and ignorance.

    My life experiences, like Jessie’s was none too pleasant, but I survived. And thats the key here isnt it? Survival. Moving on after.

    My language and yours are not the same. You speak ill of others who express concern and directly communicate thoughts with no frills or attempts to soften the reality of what she is trying to face.

    She is a well spoken and even tempered person, open to outside viewpoints and observations.

    You may wish to learn from her example. You know nothing about me and believe me when I say. Good. Let your ignorance show others your intolerance of differing opinions. You can be as ugly as you want. It doesnt make your opinions any less important than mine.

    I make no excuses or sexual observations about you. You lost your argument on that one.

    Pulling rank is for those that hold power over someone. Such as what you are tyring to do here.

    I for one do not have any such hold or claim to Jessie and wholly support her decision to make her own life decisions based on her own opinions.

  14. joyjoy Says:

    *Sigh* Your education isn’t open-minded, there is no such thing as an *open-minded* education. There are classical educations, Waldorf educations, Montessori educations, Public-School educations, Carden educations, you see, the pattern here I hope?

    But no, no school of closed and bitter education, directly across the street from open-minded academy.

    Just doesn’t exist.

    Like you said, you yam what you is. Open-minded, seems to be a word you have heard, and can’t define, an open-minded person would not try to control another person’s experience and tell them how they ought to feel.

    But yet, you still haven’t answered the most interesting question, “is it incest?”

    You are a really horrible person to come here and tell Jessie how to feel.

    I haven’t ever told her how to feel, I am much too smart to do something that uncouth, notice I didn’t say nice.

    Seems like a 50 y.o. man would have better things to do then read up on his non-issue.

  15. Rhatt Says:

    Elizabeth:

    For one who is short on words is deep in concept.

    Some dwell on “Oh my God, I’m adopted” and truly get nowhere with their feelings as they cannot get past that basic factoid of their life. Jessie does not seem to be one of those people.

    Jessie has eloquently explained her story over several pages that has said to me, that maybe a different approach to dealing with her emotions are to be offered. One that all her friends are reluctant to offer because they are friends, and my feel uncomfortable to say what a total stranger can say with relative impunity. (aside from a few flames of course:)

    We’re adopted. And is there is a story there? Do I want to know? Hell yes.

    But can one deal with it and all the truths that are uncovered?? And I am sure there are skeletons in everyone’s closet.

    Because I could, is not validation that everyone can or should follow their storyline. But once your history unfolds, you must accept it for what it is. That missing piece of your life that has been discovered may not fit well into place.

    Deal with it you must. Good or bad. Move on with your life.

  16. Gabby Says:

    So Rhatt

    Such contradictions…you say you wholly support Jessies decision to make her own life decisions based on her own opinions…and yet you are telling her to get over it…make up your mind. What? Oh but according to what you wrote above you are telling her what her decisions should be? It’s called hypocrisy…

  17. Rhatt Says:

    Alex:

    Is your name Jessie?

    No?

    Too bad.

    Then I wasnt offering my opinions to you.

    You might want to think that there are other ways of addressing a life situation.

    But people can be so linear in thought.

  18. Rhatt Says:

    Joy…

    I mean really, are you THAT narrow minded and blind in your defense of Jessie that you cannot stand the thought of a differing viewpoint?

    Truly you are barbaric in thought.

  19. joyjoy Says:

    Is someone helping you post now Ratt? As the words you are using are actually starting to make sense in their context!

    Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Yes you are, yes you are, keep it up and and mommy’s little doggy will have a treat!

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Joy

    OH and back to education, another proper use, “complete lack of formal education”

  20. alex Says:

    Your opinions are on a public blog. If you weren’t offering them to me, then you perhaps shouldn’t leave them on a public space. I feel qutie justified to express my thoughts on your attack at Jessie.

    The idea of thinking of other ways to address a life situation is precisely what I am saying to you. Perhaps it’s time to step back as this is now turning into defending yourself against people who are here to support JEssie.
    We are here, as her friends, whilst she travels through her own journey. We are her friends by being here for her when she needs, not by telling her what to do or how to feel.

    My aim is not to attack you Rhatt, but simply to ask you to consider the effect your words are having on other people.

  21. Rhatt Says:

    Gabbs:

    I support her right to choose whatever decision she wishes to make. It is her life after all.

    If one does hold a differing opinion of how one should hold true to their convictions and not societies opinion (mine included) how is that hypocrosy?

    I offered my opinion on her story. She can reject or accept as she chooses. I accept her decisions as ones that she has made for herself, not because I think I am right or because her blog buddies think that I am wrong.

    While you (all) may hold some pointed opinion about me, it does not in any way shape deter me from my opinions expressed.

    You were not the intended recipient and your opinions, while potentially valid, are not Jessies.

    It is about her that I expressed my concerns and support for. Someone dared go upstream against the norm and disturb the normal thought process and throw out a shock to stimulate an alternatie flow of thoughts.

    It is her opinions that I shall consider as relevent.

    Thank you for yours.

  22. Rhatt Says:

    Love you Joy.

    Almost as much as you love yourself.

    Let Jessie speak for herself. She handles herself far better than you and with more class.

  23. joyjoy Says:

    Now that sounds more like you Ratt! I like the altenie, v. cute.

    Now, read these words aloud, 3 times:
    “I am sofa king, I am sofa king we Todd id”

    Next write this prhase to 7 people in your address book, this is a chain, to break it will cause you 7 years bad luck.

    Do not break the chain Rat.

    Oh and P.S. don’t forget to go to confession re: incest.

  24. Possum Says:

    Ratt – you yourself say this

    “It is her opinions that I shall consider as relevent.”

    She has stated hers – so why do you persist with the attack on her own feelings – and those that support her??

    What a cruel and unfriendly person you are to attack a person on the way that they feel.

    You’ve stated your opinion – now – be fair – and go well away.

    You obviously have issues of your own.
    (otherwise you would not be here attacking someone – just for speaking from their heart)

    Jessie has found her voice – and she’s not afraid to use it.

    Damn anyone for telling her to feel differently than she currently feels.

    Go and live your life – and let Jessie get on with living her own.

  25. issycat Says:

    Jessie-
    You are no one else. You are you.
    Do not let someone else’s baggage diminish your truth. Your story.
    I don’t know about you but I blog as therapy, to get out those feelings that are inside. Those feelings that are real and true and valid in the moment.
    Anyone who finds it necessary to belittle your feelings in your blog is not a person worth knowing.
    You are early in your reunion and you have the right to feel any way you want to feel about it.
    Reunion is not easy. Anyone who tells you different is lying.
    You just tell your story, girl. It is relevant and needs to be heard.

  26. MamaL. Says:

    I am the bio step mom.
    Rhatt, Jessie is only 24. You are close to 50, maybe when she is 50 she’ll get over it as you think she should. But for now she should be allowed to feel any way she wants. I know that the emotions my family are feeling is nothing compared to what my Melon must be going through. But we all deal with life differently and she should be allowed to deal in her own way.
    I agree with several of the bloggers who called you cruel. Didnt you Grandmother teach you if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all.

  27. Rhatt Says:

    Jessie.

    Truly you have some staunch friends.

    Those on this page are attacking the ideas that I represented to you. An alternative thought process to assess your situation.

    Cruel? No. Honest.

    You and I had a dialogue working before others hijacked the thread into a personal agenda that is not yours or nor represents mine.

    Remember the parable that is the Emperor’s new clothes? You sometimes need someone to tell you exactly what you dont want to hear. Surround yourself with those of like mind and you cease to become an independent, vibrant individual. You become just another anonymous face in a crowd.

    Isnt that going against your quest to find yourself and your place in the world?

    Reread your blog. Look at the strong words you have put onto this public forum. You posted a link to your Meemo’s blog several pages ago. Read the strong words that she has written there about you.

    It’s no doubt that you are your Meemo’s daughter and the new found love that is shared between you two is a strong one.

    It’s no doubt that you are your Mama L’s daughter too. She does have your best interests at heart.

    They say that you are 24 and feel you should be free to feel as you wish. I agree. But make sure that it is YOUR feelings and not anothers that you may feel obligated to show.

    I am not asking, as you put it to disvalidate your feelings. Rather to explore them in their proper place in the timeline that is your history.

    You said in your last post before it got hijacked that:

    “I am myself, and I am learning to tell those in my life that they can either take me for myself, or not! Because I cannot change who I am to please others… and I am finished changing the way I am to please others.”

    Excellent statement. Challenge yourself by challenging others to accept you as you are, today. And what you will be tomorrow.

    You’re Ok. Continue to blog and do your best to live your words of strength that you write. Make your own mind up about what to think and feel based on the input you receive.

    You’ll be alright.

  28. Jessie Says:

    Rhatt,

    I do have my own feelings, and I am my own person. Which is why I don’t very much appreciate one coming and telling me to ‘get over’ being adopted.

    I am extreamly open minded, and willing to listen. However, I am also willing to let others stick up for me.

    I understand the heart of what you are saying, be myself, don’t let anyone else decide for me.

    What you don’t realize, is that I am already doing that. I am learning, in this life, how to form my own feelings, my own thoughts.

    How to be my own person.

    I do not follow the feelings of others. Mostly, me being afraid to speak my feelings is me being afraid of hurting or offending one particular person in my life!

    I am learning to not let that step in the way of speaking how I really feel!

    And yet telling me to ‘get over’ my feelings of adoption is a judgment is it not?? I do not like judgments anymore than the next person. I particularly don’t like judgments of how I am feeling, or how I should feel.

    I have the ability to see what you are trying to say through the judgments, and I appreciate them. Thank you for trying to say I need to be myself. Thank you for seeing the hard work I have put into myself, into my blog, into the person that is me. As unknown as that person is to me at times.

    My life has become a journey toward that goal, and I appreciate the words towards that end.

    However, please, learn on your end that judging anothers feelings, expesially on their blog, is going to bring things that you may not wish to hear.

    I don’t condone judgments… towards you… towards me… towards anyone. Who are we and what right do we have to judge others?

    I admit some of the comments above seem to get a bit harsh. Sometimes we all have issues unrelated to the seemingly obvious. Sometimes people get protective, as I have gotten protective of others. I have learned in life not to pass judgments on petty things.

    My blog is a public place, my words are public knowledge, I have always enjoyed differing viewpoints. It helps keep the world balanced. Just don’t expect everyone else in the world to agree with me 🙂

  29. Theresa Says:

    Jessie I’m sorry I didn’t see all of this until now. I’m sorry you had this nastiness on your important space where you document your feelings and experiences. I really value your truth and your honesty.

  30. reunionwritings Says:

    This Ratty person is weird. First he is abusive and then he is overly praising Jess.

    Do I read correctly that he’s in his 50’s? Abusing a young woman in her 20’s? Very strange.

    And do I read correctly that he knows her from real life?

    So why the need for this public tyrade, this need for attention and drama.

    Me thinks Ratty needs to attend to his own pain, and me wishes him healing and peace. Lots of peace.

    thank you for your thoughts Ratty.

    We wish you peace.

    Jess, your blog is such a wonderful thing for adoptees and mothers to read, I am proud of you for having the courage to be emotionally honest here.

    You can always ban Ratty’s ip number, that option is there.

  31. kimkim Says:

    P.S. Ratty wasn’t really adopted, not in the true sense of the word so he isn’t really qualified to tell an adoptee to “GET OVER IT”. He knew who his mother was, he grew up with his grandparents, he grew up with his family.

    Ratty also shows signs of being very angry at his mother, the inulting and belitteling description of that gives him away. So he hasn’t gotten over his own stuff yet.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s