After posting my blog about Gavin Rossdale, I realized just how much I missed blogging.
I started this blog as a place to get out my feelings about adoption. Not that those feelings aren’t important anymore, they just aren’t at the forefront of my life anymore. I have come to terms with things.
I do however, miss blogging. So blog again I shall. Only instead of being my Adoptee blog, it will just be my life blog. Probably not nearly as exciting, but hey, maybe someone wants to read about my life.
I realized today a fundamental thing about myself. Its actually been brewing for quite some time now.
I have discovered, that against my honest thoughts, I can’t cook.
I always thought I could, I mean, I make KILLER meatballs, I have a secret ingredient. I can make a great box of macaroni and cheese, and hamburger helper? I can make the best you have ever tasted. Its a little bit depressing to realize that beyond that, I really just have no cooking skills whatsoever.
I cooked a lot, with my mom, as a kid. I was in girl scouts, I made lots of things. And I really do make great meatballs. With my mother watching over, I always managed to make just about everything that a recipe was put in front of me for. Served to the family, everyone commented on how great it was. And I got this false sense of confidence in my cooking abilities. I really honestly and truly in believed that I was a good cook. When I moved out of the house at 20, I had a little teeny studio apartment. Along with a little teeny fridge. The freezer was sufficient enough for a box of hot pockets and maybe a bag of chicken nuggets. Other than that, nothing would fit.
I lived off of boxed food, sandwiches, chicken nuggets and all other easy things that most would probably associate with children. I made pizza bread with french bread when I felt like it, and perhaps a chicken sandwich on occaision. However, that was the extent of my actual cooking. I didn’t have a real oven, and only a hot plate for a stove. I didn’t cook. However, I was still deluded that I could.
I moved in to my current apartment with my Bdad and fam the October before last. I still didn’t cook much because after five years of making it on sandwiches, mac and cheese, and hamburger helper, I really didn’t expand my horizons much. Besides, I was always really busy.
So this October, I lost my job. That is pretty much a whole blog in and of itself. But anyway, I found myself with all this time on my hands. Plus as one of the few bonus’ of losing my job. I qualified for food stamps. So I decided to give real cooking a try. I was excited, I was going to make all sorts of stuff.
The only thing I really managed to make was the realization that I just really suck at cooking!!
I attempted a meatloaf, and… well… it was more a… meatbrick. It actually wasn’t terrible all considering, but it wasn’t what I would call good. It was one of those things you wouldn’t mind eating if you were starving and that was all you had, definetly not what I would call yummy.
I attempted a chicken and rice casserole, the chicken came out pretty decent, the rice casserole part… not so much. It was pretty much like eating dry rice. And I tried really hard, putting cheese and other yummyness into it. It just didn’t work out so well for me.
Today was by far the worst. I decided to make BLT’s… well okay BL’s because I don’t like tomato. I cooked the bacon, real bacon, not the heat and eat stuff for the microwave I usually get. I figured bacon was probably pretty easy. Nope, aparantly not. I like my bacon crispy, I thought at one point it was almost done, I’ll put the bread in the toaster… came back a few seconds later to take out the bacon. My crispy bacon resembled something that looked more like one of those hard dog treats that is supposed to resemble bacon but really doesn’t. It was like this burnt red color and pretty much broke into a thousand peices when I went to put it on the sandwich. I burned the bacon, I mean how hard is it to cook bacon!!!!
I also attempted to make eggs, but we won’t discuss that either.
So what I want to know, is how people just learn to cook!! I have been taught to cook, my mom is a really great cook! (one of the few things she is good at) So why is it that I can make a couple of things really well, and everything else I am just a total cooking idiot? I read the directions, things just never seem to turn out well for me!
Is it a matter of practice? Is it just going to slowly get better, or am I doomed to a life of cooking for idiots cookbooks and hoping my kids don’t mind crunchy bacon (not that I have any, but when I do)